@stephenjmolloy: Commissioner Gordon: It says here that bats sleep upside down and wee over themselves. Batman: We also poop. CG: We? B: They. I mean they

@noog: [aliens talking] "They call it a sel-fee" A photograph of oneself? "Sometimes several" But why? "We have one theory" Go on "They're idiots"

@OneLastStranger: Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out..you have issues bro

@mydanimarie: 127 HOURS but me trying to get my hand out of the Pringles can

@PinkCamoTO: Mantra at the gym: When the zombies come, cardio will matter.