@CastAwayKristen: NO I didn't eat a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies. I just ate all the cookies inside it.
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@Jake_Vig: Police Officer: "Turn around!" Me: *sings* "Every every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round..."
@KyleMcDowell86: ME: I need help losing weight. I've tried everything. NARRATOR: He hadn't tried anything at all. Nothing.
@weinerdog4life: If you beat a man with a mustache in a fist fight, you get to keep his mustache.