@jbillinson: Obama: Tell Joe why he can't booby trap the White H- Biden: Now hold on a second, just know that no matter what you say I'm doing it anyways

@Phook75: I don't like the Man I become when I answer Dora before my toddler does

@msbtx: Coworker: I like working with you. I feel like I can really talk to you Me: I'm sorry I gave you that impression. That's not correct

@PinkCamoTO: Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise.

@MissBamantha: Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?