@Ah_kee_oh: No I don't hate my boss. It's just that I wish his toilet paper was sand paper.
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@QwertyJones3: [Halftime speech] Ok guys, we're down 56-0, but I see the problem. There's a typo in my game plan. It should say "tackle", not "tickle".
@animadvertguy: 1816: a grizzly bear ate my mom as she fetched drinking water. 1916: I'm in a muddy trench, bleeding internally. 2016: IM OFFENDED!
@realHamOnWry: *sets trap* *snares the Easter Bunny* *pats his head* *lets him go* What?!?...What did you think I was going to do, you savages.