@Ah_kee_oh: No I don't hate my boss. It's just that I wish his toilet paper was sand paper.
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@erica_rosie: One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
@Spaziotwat: [Hospital] Doctor:"...and so the baby is fine." Me:"And my wife?" Doc:"I'm afraid she's critical" Me:"I know! But how is she?"
@rolldiggity: A good way to make a car dealer uncomfortable is to say, "Tell me if you can hear this," and then get in the trunk and start screaming.
@rcromwell4: Follow me on Pinterest for seasonal craft ideas and spells for summoning ancient demons.