@Ah_kee_oh: No I don't hate my boss. It's just that I wish his toilet paper was sand paper.
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@ieatanddrink: This is your pilot speaking. We'll be taking off shortly once our flight crew confirms that this is, in fact, an airplane
@LosLos__: HR: You said: You're "moist" welcome? Me: Autocorrect. HR: You're fine. Me: Sweet! HR: I meant: you're fired. Autocorrect.
@cloudypianos: everything in the world's horrible now not like the good old days of black plague, holocaust, atomic bombs, holodomor, khmer rouge, crusades
@ericsshadow: ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles. HER: What position do u play? ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.