@senderblock23: No, I said I wanted to BING you on my kitchen counter. You know, the popular search engine?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@flyafuckingkite: When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up? This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.
@Mr_Kapowski: All my punishment tactics against my 8 year old were in vain until I threatened to transfer her most valued Pokémon to the Professor
@DelanieFischer: Being an adult means assuming someone's dead every time your parents call you at work.
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them.