@SaraMansford: No, I'm not "lackadaisical", I'm lazy, which is the same only 3 whole syllables less.
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@TheWeirdWorld: With a dog, you have a glimpse into parenting. With a cat, you have a glimpse into marriage.
@ArfMeasures: JUDGE: So to be clear, you're pleading not guilty to stealing the child's shoes? ME: [heelies up to the mic] That's correct
@eyeswidebutt: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. I would like to invite you to play Candy Crush.
@dsmitty62: I see Paris, I see France, I got a great new pair of binoculars from an overpriced sporting goods store today