@sammyrhodes: No iPhone. I will not text bahaha. I am not a hilarious sheep.
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@KeetPotato: would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win £2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] "no thanks"
@AmishPornStar1: If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!
@david8hughes: "911 what's your emergency?" "Yeah, I've got so many questions about bees." *sighs* "Please hold for the president."
@BroIsMeeeee: "sir do u know why i pulled u over" *shrugs* "License- *hands cop box of crayons* "sir plea- *hands cop coloring book* *cop starts coloring*