@dru0887: No, LinkedIn. I would not like to link my Twitter account but thank you for trying to get me unemployed for life.
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@turtledumplin: Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?
@Manda_like_wine: In my dream I see us all standing together, throwing away differences and rallying for the abolition of mayo escape-holes in loaf bread.
@ArfMeasures: ME: This car's perfect except for one thing WIFE: Yes, there's no room for the childre- ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it's perfect