@dru0887: No, LinkedIn. I would not like to link my Twitter account but thank you for trying to get me unemployed for life.
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@tsm560: Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
@skickwriter: My microwave broke. So, we're finding innovative alternatives. Did y'all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.
@XplodingUnicorn: I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.