@iGreenMonk: No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in their coffee.
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@chamashouse: When the police asked me where I was between 4 and 5, apparently "Kindergarten" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
@Book_Krazy: Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password? Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily] THIS IS A FUNERAL Me: *[Types in] THIS IS A FUNERAL