@ajax06: No matter how powerless you feel, just think to yourself, one single pubic hair off of your body can shut down an entire restaurant.
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@Home_Halfway: I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality.
@XplodingUnicorn: Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that.
@chapel3929: There are exactly 2 options for headphone cord sizes: 1. Headphone users have torsos? 2. Giraffe strangler