@DanKCharnley: No matter what meal it is, always say you had "brunch" so people know how much better than them you are.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
@marinhubka: You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If "mom" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*
@WhrTheBrainRots: If I consider you a friend, I'll be there for you. With an ear, a shoulder, a drill, a shovel, an alibi - whatever you need to feel better.
@flashember: The microwave was invented in 1946 when an enraged toddler demanded his food be locked in a revolving prison and destroyed by lasers.