@bedroombazooka: No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.
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@DannyEarl: Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming
@lasergirl70: The rose petal scene from American Beauty, but just me naked and covered in candy wrappers.
@david8hughes: Wife: whats that? Son: I painted a picture of a cat Wife: it's very good Me: if it was very good you wouldn't have needed to ask what it was
@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.