@bedroombazooka: No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.
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@SteveKoehler22: I needed to get a shipment of almonds to the airport quickly. It was so weird to call Uber and ask if they could drive me nuts.
@KeetPotato: wife: we should go before you saying something stupid me: ok wife: [to widow] lovely funeral service me: yeah lets do this again sometime
@Easy_Tiger__: If Kristen Stewart played the daughter in Taken, Liam Neeson would probably just let the bad guys have her.
@HatfieldAnne: Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?