@bedroombazooka: No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.
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@Douchekevin: Ever fill a garbage bag, put your foot on it and stomped the hell out of it so it held 9 times what it's supposed to? Yoga pants explained.
@OfficialMizGin: Guy in the club: *lifts up his shirt* I do 400 crunches a day. Me: How many more until you get a personality?
@joejwest: The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.