@LennoxTruman: No mom I won't go to "night school," I already get what night is, it's that bullshit thing where the sun turns into the moon for a few hours
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@CodyJP9412: GUY SPIDER: (after sex) omg I can't wait to see my son GIRL SPIDER: *putting on bib* yeah, about that..
@richardosman: My daughter is in China and sends me photos of mis-translations. This is my new favourite.
@AmnesiaRose: *knocks over the 17 Starbucks cups on her nightstand *answers her alarm clock, "hello?"
@1_swarthy_dude: Her:[watching sunset]"Best date ever! Nothing can ruin this mo.." *crunching sounds* Me:[eating live Monarch butterflies out of a ziplock]