@jeannerbeaner: "No more self-deprecating tweets," I whisper fatly.
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@fightforfood: A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, "I don't speak dog," and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.
@TheTweetOfGod: Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up.
@SufficientCharm: Pretty sure my dog is even ashamed of me right now, and I've seen him do some questionable shit. Don't ask.
@Prof_Hinkley: Me: it's annoying sitting so close to the office copier Dan from the next cubicle: it's annoying sitting so close to the office copier