@badbanana: "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye." Auric Goldfinger giving instructions at his Easter egg decorating party.
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@lemonmartinis: 9yr old poured milk on the cat. When I asked why he said "He's thirsty and likes to lick himself." I couldn't argue with that.
@droidbears: fyi, drug mule does not mean youll be getting stoned and riding around on a donkey... worst first day ever
@BallsMcBallski: The seventh rule of Fight Club is no one leaves until ALL the chairs are put away.
@BlindChow: "That'll be $19.94." *pulls out $50 bill* "Sorry, we've had a problem with counterfeit bills. Have anything smaller?" *pulls out $25 bill*