@LetGoBeFreeDoU: No my carpet doesn't match my drapes cause I don't have carpet , Duh....
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@OfficeofSteve: My washing machine is broken and the laundry is piled so much now, I've started to wear old Halloween costumes
@Sean_Burgundy_: Waitress: Would you prefer your order with a side of fries or salad? Me: Would you prefer your tip with cash or advice?
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: can you pick up milk? Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy Wife: I mean from the store Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too
@cat_fvr: *sees people doing the mannequin challenge, brings back ice bucket challenge and dumps it on mannequin people*