@junejuly12: No need to pay for a gym when accidentally liking a selfie online makes your palms sweat and your heart race for free.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: WAR ON XMAS BATTLE LOG: •DAY 6 -Ate a load bearing wall in the gingerbread house.
@GuyEndoreKaiser: If you're feeling down, park in a handicap space and soon a bunch of strangers will tell you that there's nothing wrong with you!
@joeljeffrey: [At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly
@TheTweetOfGod: 30 And to his followers he said, "Beliebers, weep not for me but yourselves and your children; for they'll never get to see me in concert."