@ramblinma: No, officer, I haven't been drinking; my toddler just needed to hand me everything from the back seat.
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@KevinBuffalo: I don't wanna get too political here, but I plan on voting for whichever candidate will do something about Meghan Trainor.
@dshack8: My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
@TEXASVETERAN: What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved. Sea what I did there? I'm shore you did. Laugh, you son of a beach!