@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.
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@wolfpupy: i was just about to ramp my car off a cliff into the ocean but then i remembered someone had told me to drive safe earlier
@HavocMantis: *goes in bank with finger guns* This is a robbery! "no one'll take you seriously-" *switches to double barrel finger guns* "do what he says"
@Huber138: Me: Would you like to be a model? Her: yes Me: are you comfortable with nudity? Her: Sure Me:
@Barknado69: "You should've seen the other guy" I say as I lay in the hospital with 2 broken legs and a black eye. "He was so much better at fighting"