@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.
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@onedavedeep: Once she realized I was chatting her up, the Kohl's girl immediately indicated the extent of her interest: "My dad wears shirts like that"
@aspiringtoucan: BUT WHY THE HELL is it called BUG spray not disINSECTant *Walmart worker who I have in a headlock in aisle 4* Sir please stop I don't know