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@CapoeiraPanda: No one girl should have all that power. 😂
@Luminousoul_: Nothing confuses me more than an angry stoner.
@BoobzAndBrainz: How much for the Ice Cream Scoop?
Ma'am, that's a Shovel.
@Sarcasticsapien: I corrected the names of all my friends in my Contacts.
@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.
@joci2203: Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over Miss?
Me:[takes a quick suck off helium balloon] No officer why?