@lisaxy424: No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates.
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@BonaFideIntent: Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you're crossing a border. Then don't do that.
@david8hughes: [dentist giving me a filling] Me: guh uh hag a hogreg? Dentist stops: what? Me: do you have a boyfriend?