@lisaxy424: No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@drinksmcgee: Apparently, using a french fry and an onion ring to simulate how I wanted the rest of the evening to go wasn't the most romantic move ever.
@LaniBeno: Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.
@FudgeRobot: Sometimes when I'm about to sneeze, I snort some glitter. Then when I finally sneeze, glitter fills the air and people think I'm a wizard.
@Reverend_Scott: If I were a superhero, I'd be Pizza Man. My one-liners would be cheesy, and I'd save you in 30 min or less, or your next criminal is free.