@lisaxy424: No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates.
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@goldengateblond: Watch 'Titanic' backwards and it's the feel-good story of a ship that rescues a bunch of drowning swimmers and takes them on a dream cruise.
@iwearaonesie: wife: The school called. Guess why? [flashback to me telling my son every answer on his math homework was 69] me: Why?
@MomofTeen: Customer Service: How does the name appear on your credit card? Me: If i had to guess, I'd say it's 11 pt. Arial bold.