@Parkerlawyer: No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? Turkey bacon."
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@DBMaxP: According to the group of firemen in our floor's breakroom... my microwave popcorn is burnt
@ShutUpThatsWho: [opening can of Russian Pringles] once u pop u [inside can is a slightly smaller can] huh [inside that can is an even smaller can] wtf [in..
@FattMernandez: Vince Vaughn supports the right to carry guns in public. So if you ever wander into 1 of his movies, you can just shoot yourself.
@shkeeber: You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you work in the alzheimer's wing of a nursing home, then you get lots.