@squirrel74wkgn: No one talks to you on the bus when you're shaking a box of Milk Duds that your head phones are plugged into.
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@iwearaonesie: dad: I can't find my glasses, can you read what this says for me? me: "Dad do you want to go to Home Depot" dad: [voice catching] Sure son
@Supafunkadunka: If your cat brings home a dead bird and presents it to you, don't be rude. Take a little bite.
@_sinistroll: ME: Guess who was just promoted to be the new CEO! COWORKER: Amanda. ME: Why would you assume it's a man?
@TheCatWhisprer: The only thing I do to get my body ready for summer is make sure my AC is serviced.