@DothTheDoth: No one wants to talk about Dracula's defining quality, turning into thousands of bats to avoid human contact.
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@DanMentos: [taking FRIENDS quiz] 7. Which character do you most identify with? Ross 8. Which is your least favorite character? Ross
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
@INandONyourMIND: I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is. When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10 miles in the snow to get weed
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: STAYCATION DAY 1: Filled the birdbath with Nescafé just to see the startled look on those vagrant House Finches.