@NicCageMatch: No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping
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@danagould: The secret to having all of your dreams come true is to keep changing your dreams to something that's just about to happen anyway.
@Brianhopecomedy: Went into Dollar Store. Asked for a dollar. Cashier did not give me one. Suing company for false advertising.
@KeetPotato: [me and some other dude wearing the same shirt at a party] me: "how did we both fit in this lmao"
@topaz_kell: Exposing myself to different cultures has an entirely different meaning than I thought. *puts trench coat back on*