@JWilsonGA: No, PSA, buzzed driving isn't drunk driving. Buzzed driving gets me home 51 weekends a year, drunk driving gets me home w/a fat chick.
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@KeetPotato: *gives you dictionary for your birthday* wow.. i don't know what to say "that's why i bought it for you"
@Gupton68: Wife: [eyes glinting] Kids are at mums tonight, know what that means? Me: W: M: Cool! You get the popcorn, I'll break out the ‘Sopranos’ boxset!
@QwertyJones3: NURSE: Do you drink alcohol? ME: No NURSE: Do you do drugs? ME: *sigh* No NURSE: Are you sexually active? ME: *just starts crying*
@DaddyJew: [getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"