@TheAlexNevil: "No son of mine is going to spend his entire day playing video games!" I tell everyone on various social media sites.
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@k_lli: My calendar says I have 18 meetings left this week. Time to go lick Maria in accounting; she's coming down with flu.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: does your beard keep you warm? Me: does your mustache keep you warm? Coworker.... Me: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHY ARE YOU CRYING, BRENDA
@WilliamAder: "Grammies" is a shortening of "gramophones." Now that most people listen to music on their smartphones, the awards should probably be called (and I love this) "Phonies."
@GrrrRach: If Jehovah's witnesses brought red wine and Pringles with them, I'd gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.