@Darlainky: No Teflon coated pan has ever been a match for my husband and his love of stirring with sharp utensils.
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@MaryannSaintM: Stop asking me to vote for your kid in contests. I'm too nice of a person to tell you I'm surprised you got laid in the first place.
@: *robbing a bank* 6-year-old: dad, take that stocking off. There's only about 80 cents in this piggy bank.
@realHamOnWry: In recent years the number of UFO sightings has dropped because of the smart phone. Their users never look up.
@Iwriteforcats: *writing suicide letter Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I'm gone... Cat: *you're