@Darlainky: No Teflon coated pan has ever been a match for my husband and his love of stirring with sharp utensils.
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@joejwest: [hat shop] OWNER: Sir stop or I'll call the police UNICORN: [surrounded by damaged hats] No one will believe you
@suzieQ0007: 5yo: if superman & batman had a big fight, superman could throw him into space where he'd suffocate'. I'm raising a problem solver you guys.
@LOsepyan: I feel like life would be so much more enjoyable if punching bags and pinatas were strategically placed throughout the day
@Steven37366100: Wife: I think the washer went out Me: What time will it be back? Wife: Please get my suitcase