@aimlessamers: No thanks, 28 yr old hitting on me at the bar... With our age difference, I wouldn't be a cougar... more like a saber-toothed tiger.
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@Karate_Horse: I wish there was a way to musically tell someone to pour sugar on you but there isn't
@batsly: I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap.
@zachreinert03: I think marriage is probably like having a business partner. No that's not true, probably weird if your business partner takes your kids
@freypalm: *montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's… right here?