@OhNoSheTwitnt: No thanks, babies. If I'm going to let something inside of my body that's going to destroy my figure, it'll be cheese, bread and booze.
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@Lakelandr: I've eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
@Vodkantots: Imagine falling in love with someone and then discovering that he has faith in humanity.
@SnellWarren: My mind is always on fast forward while my body's in slow motion. I'm just like that channel where the sound is out-of-sync w/ the picture.
@perfect_messs: [during sex] Him, referring to my Spanx: Don't you want to take those off first? Me: It took me 3 hrs to get these on. This is my skin now.