@DebraMuffin: No thanks, cosmetics lady. I'm years past 'bare & natural'. Save us both some time & show me the stuff you'd need to prep & refinish a wall.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: I'd like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
@Mr_Kapowski: Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: *yells something Wife: I can't hear you Me: *whispers something under my breath Wife: I heard that!!
@TheAlexNevil: CW: Who's the more the foolish: the fool, or the- Me: Ted, I don't have time for this, so I'm going to slap you hard then take myself to HR.