@Love_bug1016: No thanks Cupid. If I wanted butterflies and my heart skipping beats, I would do something less ridiculous like lose my phone.
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@david8hughes: [phone rings] "Is your refrigerator running?" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* "I don't know what he's doing anymore."
@WritePlay: *burglar breaks in* *i reach into my nightstand drawer, get my phone, & take his picture* Burglar: No I have a double chin! Me: I'll post it
@citizenkawala: When a millenial asks why everyone in old photos have red eyes I tell them they were too young to remember the great demon uprising of the 1980s.