@Love_bug1016: No thanks Cupid. If I wanted butterflies and my heart skipping beats, I would do something less ridiculous like lose my phone.
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@zero3_benz: You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
@bea_ker: Judge: The defendant is claiming you're a nazi. Is this true? Lawyer: *flustered* er no fuhrer questions your honour *courtroom gasps*
@enigmaterics: One thing I've learned about getting older is that not everything is as how it appears. Or I need new glasses. Again.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: We’re playing Star Wars. I’m a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper. Me: What am I? 4-year-old: In the way.