@TheMichaelRock: No thanks, flu shot. I look forward to three days off from work and returning looking like I was on a diet for six weeks.
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@tnylgn: The person that was in charge of naming Ohio must have thought of it when they realized someone was waving at the person behind them.
@RunwayDan: I told my wife I wanted a ferret, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a ferret.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *spells out words so the kids won’t know what she is saying* ME: [to the kids] I don’t know either.
@crylenol: Kinda messed up that marijuana is just a plant. Like, what other plants are drugs? *tries to smoke a carrot* Yea I guess I'm feelin it