@JaymayAllDay: "No thanks, I filled up on breadsticks." - Eve to the Serpent in the Olive Garden of Eden
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@UNTRESOR: [meeting GF's mom] Wow! This must be your sister! Your baby sister! *shakes keys in front of her face* I'm overselling this, aren't I?
@junejuly12: With sufficient velocity, any object can be an effective weapon. Unfortunately this kitten is not cooperating.
@13spencer: To be fair, "old-fashioned" doesn't necessarily mean racist; it could also mean sexist.
@tsm560: Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.