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@sixfootcandy: No thanks, Mr. Easter Bunny.
I have plenty of dying eggs.
@anerdonfire2: The good news: She actually gave me her number
The bad news: She asked for it back after I fell and tripped into a plant walking away
@BeerBatterBeard: The lack of paparazzi at this BBQ makes me think that my aunt can probably stop referring to her potato salad as "famous."
@NervousJr: Hey everyone who says aliens don't exist.
Explain morning people.
@lovemydogduck: If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee
@Cpin42: [yelling over club music] has anyone seen my tamagotchi