No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn't follow through on at the end of the year, I'd get married again.

@Tups13: The stoners surround me very, very slowly. Three of them are eating cereal. "Look guys," I explain. "When I said I had a pot belly..."

1

@AngelaEhh: An app that tells you the cleanest highway bathrooms. Why isn't this a thing yet.

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@LuvPug: God's son died single, but he'll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.

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@causticbob: So the US is to send 3000 troops to help combat ebola. Does anyone else get the feeling they don't know what ebola is?

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@BGH70: I often wish that gravity was a more selective force regarding who it kept on this planet.

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