@DannyZuker: "No woman, no cry." - Tarzan breaking up with girlfriend.
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@SuSuSuDonym: If Paula Deen's new cookbook isn't titled 'Fifty Shades of Gravy', I'm going to lose a considerable amount of money on the bet I just made.
@HelloCullen: Yall keep making fun of millennials you gonna regret all those karate lessons you bought us
@melgabored: BIDEN (whispering) Barack. Psst, Barack. Barack, turn around. OBAMA Joe, I'm a little busy. BIDEN I love you.
@ProdigyNelson: [date] Me: *ok don't let her know I'm a bull* Her: "so what are some red flags for you?" Me: *sweating* "haha red flags? Where?"