@DannyZuker: "No woman, no cry." - Tarzan breaking up with girlfriend.
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@ShipInTheKnight: Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town
@murrman5: *comes home from poker night earlier than usual looks at wife while picking up the dog and leaves without saying anything*
@upsidedowntrash: WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene? ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?