@DannyZuker: "No woman, no cry." - Tarzan breaking up with girlfriend.
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@daemonic3: Here you go, Merry Christmas! "Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt
@dshack8: 3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave
@SoulYodeler: POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird.