If bad ads/pop-ups are redirecting you, please take a screenshot and email it to [email protected]. Help us keep the site clean!
@gingerfaced: No, you hang up first.
Me to Pizza Hut
@AlanHungover: *Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: "Who was that, your girlfriend?" *Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*
@Playing_Dad: *turns on shower*
*shower whispers "eat donuts for breakfast" & "get drunk tonight"*
Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure
@Fred_Delicious: "guns don't kill people, guns CREATE people!"
*fires 10 newborn babies out of a bazooka*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Liam Neeson: What I do have are a very particular set of skills.
Me if I were the kidnapper: *is.
@Gott_Partikel: Buying a life insurance policy is best way to pretend that you have a life.