@shayf_: No YOU sober up, lamp.
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@AddledPixie: "Mommy, why does an old person's skin look so see-through?" Aw, honey, it's just because they are getting ready to be a ghost. Sleep tight.
@ddsmidt: HR: People are complaining that you find ways to appear superior to them. [chair elevated to highest position] Me: That’s just ridiculous.
@notalogin: Romantic cop: Here, I brought you a flower. Competitive about everything cop: Big deal. I brought you a flowest.