@weinerdog4life: No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that's why I dropped it.
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@mattingebretson: I love how binge watching a tv show is now portrayed as a fun activity instead of an expression of deep emotional turmoil and depression
@SincerelyMen: If you think meeting your girlfriends parents is hard just remember? Someone is going to try to date Eminems daughter
@dukelongboard: When I was 13 my dad gave me a bunch of socks n said "I heard u grunting in ur room last night, do it into these" So now I poop into socks