@weinerdog4life: No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that's why I dropped it.
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@rachelle_mandik: Yes but what if Donald Trump IS actually dead but his toupee is alive and steering him round like a marionette?
@Cheeseboy22: I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it's the scientists that aren't washing their hands?
@dafloydsta: [couples therapy] HER: He's always talking down to me ME: *heavy sigh* It's called being condescending but I doubt you knew that, Karen
@DanMentos: [guy from the 50s arrives in a time machine] "Who's president?" Barack Obama "Braco? Sounds Mexican" Nope "Whew" You might want to sit down