@Sickayduh: No, YOU'RE a nary tract infection
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@Karate_Horse: [tense situation in the war room] "Ok now type in the nuke codes EXACTLY as I say them or it'll blow.1-4-7-teen" CRAP [huge explosion]
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Are you gonna wear that to the cookout? Oh... *reaches under mesh shirt* *takes off nipple ring* Better?
@sweetandweak: Daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.