@DaddyJew: No, YOUUU had a kid just so you could have someone to eat pizza and play video games with
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@Briidashian: Being a diabetic has proved to be difficult. For example, I can't have a sugar daddy.
@iGreenMonk: It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
@Shingaboop: Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly
@IamEnidColeslaw: That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.