@DaddyJew: No, YOUUU had a kid just so you could have someone to eat pizza and play video games with
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@charliedelta7: Just flipped my son off behind his back because I'm an adult and don't get into arguments with 4 year olds.
@BlindChow: GOD: did u eat from the tree of knowledge? ADAM: no…it was my girlfriend GOD: who? ADAM: u don't know her she goes to a different school
@imadepoopstoday: Bring brownies to work. Spend the rest of the day asking coworkers, "you feelin anything yet?"
@WritePlay: "Why don't you cool it on the dressmaking," I suggested to my wife. "You seamstressed."