@meganamram: Noah's flood = God clearing his browser history
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@Reverend_Scott: *rubs magic lamp, genie appears* "You get 2 wishes." I wish I got 3 wishes. "Your wish is granted." Nice, nice. "You have 2 left."
@Vodkantots: If I were really famous, I wouldn't even need body guards. These maxi pads promise me 10 hours of protection, each.
@Mindless4Miles: Me: "Breath mint?" Her: "Sure." M: "Don't mean to offend." H: "None taken." M: "Great. Good to hear. Care for a push up bra?"