@ObscureGent: Nobody discretely coughs blood into a handkerchief while wearing a top hat anymore.
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@hipchkk: You know how moray eels can't let go when they bite, and both sets of jaws must be pried off even after they're dead? Don't touch my fries.
@SortaBad: *hears a man crying in a bathroom stall at work* "Excuse me, are you okay? Because you're kinda stealing my thing"
@briangaar: Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]
@AGreaterMonster: Mmmh, the wetness...don't stop, harder, oh god yes, more fingers...I love the way you rub my head. --me, getting a shampoo at the salon