@LizHackett: Nobody in this neighborhood ever got along until we all hated your rooster.
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@DanielRCarrillo: Raid™: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something.
@abbycohenwl: I'm training my cats to use the bathroom like people. It really works! [cut to bathroom: two cats do cocaine off the toilet tank]
@Samzen_: All girls love surprises. I didn't know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can't understand women.