@jctwritesstuff: Me: *tied up* Guy: *hits my kneecap* M: I'm not a rat! G: Bring in her sworn enemy! G2: *tosses Rubik's Cube at me* M: Oh god no! I'll talk!

@Bluestmoon_: Sorry I asked "why?" when you told me your baby's name.

@Only_Fast_Eddie: Some women have mood swings... others have mood theme parks.

@causticbob: Old Macdonald had a really bad scrabble hand...... E - I - E - I - O.....

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slowest swimmer.