@TheCatWhisprer: Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
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@Parkerlawyer: I pan fried chicken tonight. On another completely unrelated note: the firemen in my town are gorgeoussssss.
@TheBoydP: [work email] Me: Can I meat the new guy? Boss: Meet? Okay, sure... Me: Great! *hides bag of steaks*
@pleatedjeans: [unzips fannypack filled with jellybeans and some fall out] Dammit [bends over to pick them up and the rest spill out] DAMMIT
@pleatedjeans: [airport] For $800 more you can upgrade to Arctic Class What's that? Same as coach but the flight staff is penguins [slaps table] SOLD