@TheCatWhisprer: Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
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@becks_bradley: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real.
@AmishPornStar1: If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off... It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.
@fro_vo: Me: I don’t know what to do on my date Friend: show her some local culture [later] Date: hi Me: *holds out hands* look at this yogurt