@theshantilly: NOBODY MOVE I LOST AN HOUR
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@titanrn: Wife ran into my ex girlfriend today. I asked if she still looked good? Always wondered what the worst thing I could say was. That was it.
@BlindChow: COP: do you know why I pulled you over? ME: *furiously trying to swallow a mouthful of mattress tag stickers* no
@WhaJoTalkinBout: New Password: Elephants <Not strong enough> New Password: Ants <Too strong> New Password: BabyBearsPorridge <Just right>
@KevinBuffalo: My wife is: 1) Am amazing mom and a great friend 2) Still the most beautiful girl I've ever been with 3) Now following me on Twitter