@Cryptoterra: NOBODY MOVE THIS IS A ROBBERY! *other robber looks over at me* dude no you can move. We talked about this. Get the money
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@girlontapas: The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but...they can't make a microwave that I can put metal in. Someone isn't trying.
@NJPsychDoc: My stages of drunk: 1. You're UGLY 2. You're HOT 3. You're BEAUTIFUL 4. Your HONOR in my defense......
@FredPollack: Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds.
@PJTLynch: I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane