@Caissie: Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat.
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@Breadery: I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I'm teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.
@HomeProbably: There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she's left. She obviously wasn't blind at all.
@CheryeDavis: I'm glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
@Michabean: My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation.