@Caissie: Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Gobble til you wobble! Me: *mutters* How bout you slobble on my knobble CW: What was that? Me: You too
@Chumpstring: [invention of croutons] Let me put a few bread rocks on top of your salad. Trust me, people in neighboring cities will hear you eating this.
@stevezorz: Trump's gonna be sooo mad when he finds out that China realized building a Great Wall didn't keep foreigners out 400 years before he did.