@NervousJr: Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren't a thing.
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@DRUNKdadding: "Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today." -the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now
@NicestHippo: The inventor of the toilet must've had a rough time at his presentation. "Oh here comes Gary with his poop throne idea"
@WilliamAder: It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.