@AdderallMomma: Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.
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@GringoBrulee: HR: Do you know why we called you in here today? Me: I'm not taking off my Batman suit, sir.
@man_spach: When the internet is down I turn my bed into a make-believe boat and play Life of Pi with the cat
@CloydRivers: If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science.
@joeldanger: Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.