@AdderallMomma: Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.
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@daemonic3: "KIDS, GET YOUR SHOES ON WE'RE LEAVING FOR SCHOOL IN SIX HOURS!!!" -- Centipede parents
@Fingers_of_Fury: You're like that person playing Pictionary who draws something terribly and just keeps circling it.
@SergioValenCo: Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational tweets are hard.
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."