@AdderallMomma: Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.
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@Cheeseboy22: My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.
@MK_Shenanigans: I forgot FB was not Twitter & posted something ultra dirty. Now I have to avoid my granndma, change my hair color & leave the state.
@causticbob: BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.