@TheWadest: Nobody was healthier than my vegan, gluten-free friend Chad until the day that baby squirrel beat him to death.
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@DanRegans: I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
@QwertyJones3: Um, doctor? This degree on your wall is from Whatsamatta U. I don't think that's a... Doctor: *looking at x-rays* MY GOD! YOU HAVE NO SKIN!